Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

     Walk Hard should be called Sucked Bad.  If this movie wasn’t written and acted by men much older than me, I would swear that I am just too old to get it.  The film thinks its funny, the actors certainly think they’re funny, but I’ve seen better comedy throwing a cat in a shower. 

     Match the unfunny parts of Anchorman with any parts of Freddy Got Fingered and sprinkle with too much Talladega Nights, a movie that only drunk wannabe rednecks watch because they can’t actually understand how NASCAR works.   I don’t know what else to say about Walk Hard, its just too damn confusing.  Similar Judd Apatow movies like Anchorman and 40 Year old Virgin base themselves on original concepts while Dewey Cox comes across more of a spoof like Scream 7-14.  It focuses on the main parts in James Mangold’s Walk the Line through most of the film, but then just trails off into random slapstick jokes, a’la Airplane, lazily thought up and poorly executed.

     Furthermore there just aren’t any funny leads in it.  John C. O’Reily tried his best, but just came across either too boisterous or too dumb   He’s proved a hilariously named character comedian in classic roles as Reed Rothchield in Boogie Nights and Buck Bretherton in Days of Thunder.  But he shouldn’t be carrying the main role in a film this ridiculous.

     The other main lead Jenna Fischer, starring as love interest Darlene Madison, is too naturally dry for the character, which is why she’s perfect in her role as Pam on The Office.  She has a few good parts, but overall is quickly forgotten until the end of the film.  Tim Meadows has one funny joke repeated over and over and over again.   Jack White does a funny Elvis impression that was sadly only in about thirty seconds of the film.

     Overall this wasn’t very good. Though it was directed and co written by Orange County’s Jake Kasden, I don’t feel he deserves all the blame.  The blame goes to co-writer Judd Apatow, who should know better.  Coming off glory from works such as the tolerable romantic comedy Knocked Up and hilarious but void of plot Superbad, Walk Hard is far from the genius of his earlier works like the short lived brilliant Freaks and Geeks.

     In the end, Walk Hard could come boxed with three blunts and seven midgets dressed like Dopey, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Pestilence, Famine, and Doc, and still would be best used to torture infants.   Walk Hard?  Try Limp Soft.

Dan in Real Life

     I’ll be very honest, I don’t like movies tricking me.  Now I don’t mind going into a romantic film like The Notebook, I believe some of you might’ve read my review, knowing that there is some subconscious bartering involved.  I guess I assume that if I put up with two hours of holding and crying, I assume there will be a doggie treat after the film, so to speak.

     But I do not support, like, or enjoy movies geared to guys but secretly written by the Red Hat Ladies who terrorize our streets.  I should’ve known when Chocolat’s Juliette Binoche showed up, but I had hope the 40 year old Virgin, Agent Michael Scorn himself, would prove the flick through.  Shame Steve Carrell, shame on you for trying to get me to come to terms with my feelings. This is coming from a man who protested, in the streets, Lethal Weapon 4 because of its overkill of emotional moments between Riggs and Murtaugh.  I’m only a call away from having you banned from the Man’s Club for the next six weeks.

     To follow with my constant mood changes, now that this film has emasculate me, there is some a silver lining in this pink puffy cloud of movie.  As a romantic comedy it’s not bad, though I’m not used to level of marriage pressure on Dan.  I laughed at the family pressure on single women in movies such as Must love Dogs and everything else girls like to watch, but when it happens to one of your own, you get a little worried.

     What I didn’t know was that this movie would knock through my emotional man guard, built after years upon years of instinctive repression, with the fury of a Golden Unicorn.  Through the film I came to grips with my ever-decreasing mortality and lack of self anything, so much that I found myself curled in a ball on my couch covered in tissues and quilts, wanting or needing for someone to pamper me, to treat me right.

     Warn others of this film, boys, warn them of the burden it carries.  Dane Cook was completely unfunny, which was very funny.  But he’s seems like such a nice guy you know, one that you would feel safe babysitting your kids and then sitting up nights talking.  And that Binoche, she seems so mysteriously foreign and austeu….No its coming back, someone get me 33 CCs of testosterone and poker stats.